Umm I'm too high to move.
even my farts smell like vagina
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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