After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This girl is more easily done than said...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
