Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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