absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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