So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
