I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
