My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
