My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
