last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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