She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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