One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he fucked my hip out of place.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
