I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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