Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Randomize
