Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
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