Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
