Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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