I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
