Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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