I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
