My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Randomize
