We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
