We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
