Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
