omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
