Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
