I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
