Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
