If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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