Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
