the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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