Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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