Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
