Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
