i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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