wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
try to milk me bitch
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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