How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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