Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
