So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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