I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
