im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
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The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
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I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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