Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
