They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
honey bunches of taint.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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