so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
