How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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