They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
