Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
