Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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