I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
