the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
is that a dick in a sweater?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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