if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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