i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
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she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
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I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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