Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
