Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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