my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
