you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
