just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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