I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
