Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
