I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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