I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize