So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't deserve a penis
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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