i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
