i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
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he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
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Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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