Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
