Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
